What is Operation Stop the Fatness? It is my mission to get over myself, my poor eating habits, and my laziness and to set a great example to my son of what life is supposed to look like. I want him to grow up with a healthy relationship with food. I want him to be active because it's natural, not because it's something we force on him. It all starts with me. The last two weeks I've had to ask myself, how did I get here?
I was active growing up, participating in almost every sport my school offered. When I decided not to try out for cheerleading at the end of my sophomore year, I replaced practices and team activities with eating. I know now this is where the problems started. I would drive to town after work or on the way home from hanging out with friends, pick up fast food and eat it before getting home. One morning before school my sis, a friend and I drove to three different fast food places to get an assortment of breakfast foods. We were eating just for FUN. By the fall of my senior year, I had gained 36 lbs since getting my drivers license. I repeat: in two years, I gained 36 lbs. Holy cow.
I decided to get my shizz together and started with Weight Watchers. I loved counting points and how easy it was. Without doing any "activity" other than being a typical 18 year old, I lost 24 lbs by the time Homecoming rolled around. I won Homecoming queen wearing a dress I'd worn to prom my sophomore year. I felt amaaahhhhzing. I kept the weight off for two years until big life altering events happened and I found myself depressed and living alone for the first time.
With a friend from work I tried low carb/no carb/energy drinks and cigarettes only diets. I'd still go home alone and order a pizza. Or I'd do our no carb diet, but I'd eat all the Atkins candy bars between Target and home... and then say screw it and get ice cream. By the time I was moving in with my now husband in 2006, I'd gained the weight back, plus a few. Back on Weight Watchers I went.
I'd do great, cooking us both WW meals and getting girls at my new job to do it with me. I lost 10 lbs, but then J got a job traveling. I'd do fine while he was home but fall apart as soon as he left, eating my loneliness. It was a weird time for me, as I'd lost what I thought was a good friend and didn't have contact with old friends. I tried to go back on Weight Watchers and did a couple rounds of the South Beach diet. By the summer of 2010, I'd gained 44 lbs since graduating from high school. I did the HCG diet, lost 17 lbs and no surprise because that diet is whack, I gained it back quickly. I got married at the highest weight I'd ever been in my life. I couldn't even lose weight for my biggest day ever.
Getting married and trying (and failing) to lose weight is stressful. So I ate. And I cooked. And I baked. And I ate. I know they say you gain weight as a newlywed, but we'd been living together for 5 years at that point. What changed? All I know is that when I got an unexpected big fat positive pregnancy test two months after getting married, I weighed the most I'd ever weighed. I took my wedding day weight and added 10 lbs. IN TWO MONTHS I gained 10 lbs.
I kept it pretty healthy during my pregnancy. First trimester nausea led to weight loss. Saddest part? I was overweight enough that the weight loss, while a double digit number, wasn't concerning to my doc. So. Depressing. When I checked in for my induction, I made sure my husband looked away when they weighed me. No way should that man have to see a weight on his wife that was so close to his own weight. I mean, it's enough he was seeing me bigger, he didn't need to put a number on it.
Thanks to breastfeeding and being too dang tired to eat, I lost the baby weight within a few months. When an extra 10 lbs came off, I was not complaining. Then another 9 came off. I text my mom that since having my kiddo, I'd lost 50 lbs. I couldn't believe it. I was at the lowest weight I'd been in YEARS. I was wearing jeans I hadn't worn in awhile and feeling pretty confident. Then R started easing up on his nursing. The calorie burn slipped away and a few pounds came back.
I would consider myself decently active now. My job is not like my old office jobs. I work in my family's feed store, so it's normal to move/lift/load several 50 lb bags of feed every day. I chase R constantly but I'm still eating enough crap that I'm just maintaining a weight that is just not okay. What is my plan?
I've started back on Weight Watchers. It's a diet plan that I know, which is what I need right now. I have a good handle on what's ok to eat and what's not on WW. I can count points without paying for a membership. I am finding myself hungry a lot of the time (I've been doing it three weeks) which could be because I'm not allowing enough points for bumps in my activity or for R's increased nursing. Maybe I'm just not eating enough of the right things. I've looked at a couple other plans, but need to get a grip on what a normal calorie range is before I go into something more free range like Paleo.
I say Paleo because I've started Crossfit on my own (I guess Paleo and CF go hand in hand). I know, I know. I don't know if I can really call it Crossfit since I do it in my garage or living room, but I'm following their exercises, scaled to an at home and beginner level. I've spent so long side-eyeing the CF movement, that it was time to try it. Honestly, I hate on CF because I'm jealous of their amazing bodies and what they can do with those amazing bodies. I did my first WOD (feel so stupid saying that) and it was the hardest 17 minutes of my life. But then it was over. I was totally spent and sore for days but it was only 17 minutes. Not an hour on a treadmill plus bumbling through some light weights. 17 minutes. Done. I plan to work out in some capacity 5 days a week. My cousin (who owns a CF gym) said 3-5 days would be great for now. I'm going for 5 because I need to get in the habit of doing it and I'm afraid too many off days will make it harder to start again.
I have other things to work on. I am an emotional eater. Pick a feeling... any feeling! I promise I've eaten through it. When I was younger I didn't realize I was doing it, but as I've aged I recognize the feelings coming, the urge to eat it away and then I do it knowing it's wrong. I've tried all kinds of diets, where I have lost weight and gained it back time and time again because the root of the problem is that I don't deal with my feelings appropriately. I also need to deal with making poor food choices, eating too much sugar, and relying on caffeine for a pick-me-up. Maybe one of these days I could get R to sleep through the night, or maybe just wake up less and I won't need caffeine *wink wink*.
My goal is to lose 44 lbs from where I started. Wowza, right? I'm already down 2 so I only have 42 to go. I have a naturally muscular, bigger build though, so if I stick with CF and find the shape of my body change but I don't lose that 44 lbs, I will NOT be upset. My goal is to change my eating habits and become an active member of society. I'd like to wear my cousin's gym's shirt in public and have people believe that I actually do work out. I want to wear a pair of spandex leggings in public and have no shame in my game.
Wish me luck? Or pray for me? Either way, I'll take it.