the days before the wedding (a diary entry for me)

*while cleaning up my blog in hopes of firing it back up, I looked through the drafts and found the entries I did on my wedding.  here's part 1, I guess, of the details leading up to the big day.  pictures will finally come next. originally written on December 22, 2010*

I don't want to forget this past weekend.  I keep reading that I should get my wedding on paper... but this is the best I can do for now.  We're on our "honeymoon" (aka "staycation") so I'm sitting through the 'Book of Eli' (I've already wikipediad'ed the plot because I know I'll inevitably miss the key parts) and I'm guessing I'll just start somewhere. 

The week of the wedding (December 13-19) was also finals week at school.  I had put off all wedding related items for the week before finals because I had MAJOR projects due (remember the taking volunteers post?) so that left finals week a mad dash to complete wedding madness.  I tried to get what finals I could out of the way early on in the week, but this still meant I was working on school stuff up to Wednesday night.  On Wednesday morning, my to-do list looked like this (everything completed by Wednesday evening is in purple):

• Decide on Old/New/Borrowed/Blue
• Gather all accessories and odds & ends
• Type & cut escort cards
• Type & print programs
• Cake cards
• String on escort displays
• Count jars
• Paint signs
• Wrap gifts, write notes for bridesmaids
• Buy fabric for pipe & drape, entry table, piano top
• Buy general cake servers and our cake server
• Schedule spray tan, nail appointment
• Color hair
• Paint toenails
• Finish fabric chandy
• My bouquet
• 6 boutoneires
• Make more bunting
• Burn "Belief" for DJ
• Print timelines for DOC, DJ and myself
• Cake table box layout
• Make ring pillow
• Pack everything
• Make ribbon wands
• Make mini cake buntings
• Finish cake topper initials
• Write checks for vendors
• Pay for cakes
• Finish English final
• Type English blog review
• Take on campus part of Religion final

And I got all of it done except for this stuff:

What did this mean?  This meant I stayed awake Thursday night (morning?) until 5:30 am.  Justin went to the bowling alley that night and stayed gone until close to midnight.  I wanted so badly to be mad at him for being able to go out and chill with his friends while I busted my butt, but I later realized this was senseless, as the odds of me actually letting him do anything to help were slim to none.  I'd rather do something myself than take the time to explain it AND risk it not being done the way I wanted.

Sometime in the early morning hours, I watched 'Clerks II' on Comedy Central and snapped these pics of the completed bouquets and completed boutonnieres:






At 5:00 am I made myself lay down... I was asleep not too long after 5:30.  Duke woke me up at 8:00 and it was all systems go.  Justin was already gone, picking up the rental tables with his dad and delivering those before a chiropractors appointment and his work Christmas lunch at The Blue Hair Cafe (aka Heritage Cafeteria).  I can't even remember what I did that morning... but I know it involved running around, coffee, and picking up our tablecloths.

At the tablecloth rental place, the owner said, "You're getting married tomorrow?"  I answered yes and she proceeded to tell me I was VERY calm for someone about to get married in 24 hours.  After leaving there, I started trying to hyperventilate.  I kept taking VERY deep breaths and was speeding to get to the location just so I could be around people (this seemed to be a running theme... being around people made me not freak out).  I wasn't nervous about the wedding, I was nervous about getting everything done.  I was looking at this as a job... that had to be completed or I'd suffer utter FAIL-dom.

Justin was at the firehouse before he was due at his Christmas lunch, so we unloaded my car and our day-of-coordinator/friend of the family showed up to help set up.  We started with tables, then chairs.  My cousin/friend/bridesmaid, her husband and sweet daughter came to help as well, followed by my aunt (cousin/friend/bridesmaid's mom) and another bridesmaid later on.  We got the tablecloths out, ran the black kraft paper runners down the tables and started on the jars and table numbers.  Justin left early on and I would've been doing set-up alone had it not been for cousin, husband, aunt, friend of family.  LIFE SAVERS.

I sent everyone on their way except the bridesmaid that had just shown up with her sweet baby boy when Justin got back.  My mom also go there... which was wonderful.  We worked on hanging the fabric chandelier and then left to change clothes and come back for the rehearsal.  Before coming back to the rehearsal, we purchased wine for the reception.

We pulled up at the firehouse and Justin dropped me off to unlock the door for those waiting on us and for some reason in that moment, I got nervous.  Nervous that I was just about to start practicing my wedding.  A wedding that was the very next day.  ZOMG. 

We got everyone gathered and ran through the ceremony.  It went quickly and we only needed one time through.  We ordered pizza and hung around, chatting, working on odds and ends.  We assembled the cake table, my parents and sisters finished the second escort card display and I puttered around doing last minute arranging.  Our bunting was hung from the super high ceilings thanks to a home-builder groomsman and I left Justin there with a few of the guys, knowing that I still had to do the seating arrangements and stamp the escort cards.

At home, I tried to work on the seating assignments but the table numbers were off so I was only able to do one side.  After a shower, I burned the song we were walking down the aisle to and fell into bed to pass out nearly immediately at 1:30 am.  Sleepy time for the bride...

a word for 2013: better

{via}

Surely you've heard of this word of the year/one little word business. The simple explanation is that you pick a word to meditate/concentrate on for the year to uplift and cause positive change in your life. Lots of people do it and after a few years of reading the effects it has had on others, I've decided that this will be the year I join in.

For 2013, my word is BETTER.

As a verb, it means to improve on or surpass.

Better isn't about being better than someone else.  This isn't about creating a level of competition in my life. I want to stop comparing myself against others and start concentrating on who I am now and what I can do better.  I could be a better mom/wife/daughter/friend/employee/Christian/person... but it is more than the labels I claim for myself. I want to be a better me.

I want to be in better health... lose the extra weight I'm carrying around.  I want to cook more, eat more whole foods, and set a good example for my kiddo.  I want to learn to deal with my feelings, instead of trying to quiet them with food.

I want to be better at being in this moment. Not dwelling in the past and not stewing over the future.  I waste so much energy worrying about everything. Things I have no control over. Things that shouldn't matter.     I spend so much time in my own head, thinking about what I should've/could've/would've done differently.  It has to stop.

I want to be better at doing what I say I'm going to do.  If I told you I'd be there at 10, I'll be there at 10.  Maybe even before 10, but I'm not going to push it.  If I told you I would call back, I'll call back.  If I told you I would make x, y, z, I will actually make it.  If I say I'm going to try harder and be better, I will.

I want to kick procrastination to the curb and be better at starting and finishing projects.  You guys should see my craft/crap room.  It is absolutely full of projects that are not finished or not even started.  My master bedroom has two walls with new paint swatches on it... it's been 6 months.  My new-ish painted kitchen has nothing on the walls.  It looks like we just moved in!  And the baby book that I was going to DIY?  Not even started, and my little is almost 14 months old.  The madness has to stop.

I want to be a better money manager.  In 2012 I got a really go grip on where the money was going.  Now it has to be fixed.  Our life could be absolutely and totally different, if only we were better with our funds.

I want to be a better writer.  I loved to write in high school.  I saw my high school English teacher at a wedding a few years ago and when I told her what I was up to (which was nothing, really), she said, "Why aren't you writing?"  Yeah.  Why aren't I?  I like it, I have plenty of ideas, so what's the hang up?  It might be ugly at first, but I know once I get going I know I'll be proud of myself for getting back to it.

I want to tap into my spiritual side and better my relationship with God.  Too many of my prayers are lifted up in desperation and not enough prayers are lifted up in thankfulness.  When I am consistent in church, reading my Bible (phone app) and keeping decent music on the radio, I'm in a much better place.  I'm a better {insert all the labels above here} when I'm in touch with God.

I actually considered getting "better" tattooed somewhere a few years ago because all I kept thinking was  things will get better. Tomorrow will be a better day. It has to get better, because it can't get much worse. While I'm lucky today to not have to cling to those thoughts as often, I still do remind myself that it can always get better. This word of the year has really been a long time coming.

The bottom line is that I want to feel better.  If I can pray more, buy less, write more, eat less, create more, worry less, feeling better can and will come.

2013 is the year of better.